Fine Tuning

This post is re-published from my other blog, On Second Thought...

A new journey begins...

I have less than one year before my 35th birthday. I have promised myself that when I turn 35 I will be in the best shape of my life. This week I've given the phrase "the best shape of my life" a second thought.

There was time when I thought being in shape meant being able to fit into any size 4 on the rack. I quickly learned that, for me, that was really called being anorexic. Then, I decided that being in shape meant maintaining a size 6, and throwing up my french fries and double cheeseburger and shake if I happened to slip up to an 8. That was really called being bulimic, despite the benefits of gaining amazing control of my gag reflex. Being in shape was about a number: my weight, my jeans size, how many miles I could run in a week, how many times I could run the stairs in the stadium, how many laps I swam. I was/am no athlete. I was what Debbie calls skinny fat. I was a petite woman who ate like my heart was my worst enemy and I was duty bound to kill it with fast food, sugary sweets and the absence of all things that grow from the ground, except for when I'd go through one of my health nut cycles.

Over the years I have had periods of extreme conscientiousness about what I eat. Like most things with me, my enthusiasm about eating better has ebbed and flowed. I'm about to turn 35. I'm out of wiggle room. The choices I make about what I do to my body now will make or break how I grow old. I prefer to do so gracefully without preventable diseases. I have to make changes now.

I started reading Toni Morrison's, The Bluest Eye, this week. I was only a few pages in when I came upon this sentence.

I learned much later to worship her, just as I learned to delight in cleanliness, knowing, even as I learned, that the change was adjustment without improvement.

The context of that statement isn't as important as the italicized phrase. Those six words hit me like a ton of bricks. It struck me as antithetical to all I hope to be accomplishing along this journey of personal growth. I've made changes in my life. Many, many changes at many different times. I am smack in the middle of one of the most significant seasons of change I've ever experienced, even more significant than the time period that birthed this blog. I don't want to look back at this time as a period of adjustment without improvement. I want to be better. I want to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, cousin, niece, aunt and granddaughter. I want to be a better employee, a better citizen, a better companion, student, coworker. I want to be a better stranger. I want to be a better me. Different is not good enough. I want to be better.

When it comes to living a healthy lifestyle, I've made adjustments many times. I will make many more. But I've begun to make improvements. It's time for me to start eating like an adult. I have a great independent organic market less than 2 miles from my house. I have no excuses. I walked up and down the aisles this evening amazed by how many choices their are for eating well. I've decided that my grocery list will be comprised of items from two lists. The SuperFoods list is the priority. The World's Healthiest Foods list will round out the rest. Now, since I'm about improvement and not just adjustment here, I've tried it out for over a week. I haven't starved to death. I've eaten foods I love. I've eaten often (seems like all day long) to boost my metabolism. I've felt better than I have in a long time. I've dropped 5 pounds, just like that. And I haven't worked out once. Yet. I even went to Happy Hour last night and ordered an avocado and tomato salad and quinoa tabbouleh (and 2 blood orange margaritas). I never missed a chip or buffalo wing. It was lovely, I tell you.

I was in Whole Foods with Katrice last week and, as you may have read on her blog (which I won't link because there are nut cases among us), and we ran into Dick Gregory. I was doing my first big shopping spree from the Super Foods list, and I took this as a prophetic endorsement that I am somehow on the right track (why? because I'm corny like that!) I was tickled to see him, and while I am not going raw foodist (yet), he still inspired me to do better than I've been doing.

I'll probably continue the discussion of how this whole change is going on Fine Tuning, my pathetic chronicle of my weight loss efforts. But it was important enough today, for me to mention it here. I'm done adjusting for the sake of adjusting. It's time to get better, healthier.

Today when I think of being in shape I think of the whole person. Not just what I eat or if I work out. There's so much more to fitness. The mind, body and spirit are connected and interdependent. And as much as I've chosen to rid my body of unnecessary hormones, preservatives and toxins, I'm diligently plugging away at those things that clutter and preoccupy my mind and weigh upon my spirit. You'll hear about more of it here. Even if it gets political and politically incorrect.

Stay tuned.

Labels: journey begins, whole foods

Hmmm. Well, so much for being back in the saddle for the new year. I've been seriously slacking, but spring is here, so it's time to get it back in gear. I walk/ran a couple of miles today. It felt great go get moving again. I'm hope to get back into my groove soon. The last time I weighed myself I was right back at my starting point. No biggie. I've lost it before and I'll do it again. Here's my realistic goal--I've got one year and 3 months to my 35th birthday. At 35 I want to be in the best shape of my life. That's the plan and I'm working on it one day at a time. See ya at the finish line!!

Labels: goals, starting again

OK. It's now 2 days into the new year and it's time to get it back in gear. I just weighed myself (I was so terrified to do this) and the holidays didn't do me in as badly as I had anticipated.

I already had chocolate chip cookies and milk for breakfast. Sue me. But I will put them into my calorie counter. It's on again.

I've completely lost track of which week this is, so I'm done with that part of the count. But here are my new numbers:

Current Weight: 207.2pounds

Weight loss so far: 3.8 pounds

Biggest Temptation: All these damn cookies still in my house!!!

My treat: All these damn cookies still in my house!!!

My best discovery: I didn't gain it all back over the holidays. Yay!!

This week has been somewhat disappointing. I still lost, but I missed 3 days of the gym. I knew it was going to be a bit of an adjustment since I was off all last week. I tried to double up on the days I did go to the gym, but I think that's too much on my body at once.

I'm having to learn moderation and patience with this process. I am in a pattern now of consistent loss, but it's slow. I'm not used to that. When I was younger I could lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks like it was nothing. I rarely kept that weight off, but still it seemed like I did so much better.

I've grown frustrated with the incessant logging of my food intake. I think I've done it long enough that I have an idea of what my food intake should be. I'm going to give up tracking every single bite I eat this week and see if I've learned anything.

I attribute this week's minimal loss to the fact that I was polishing off Thanksgiving leftovers, and probably grossly underestimating the caloric content of things like corn pudding. Yummy. I left it out on the counter for 2 days so that I could throw it out in good conscience.

I made homemade vegetable soup to take for lunch this week and I baked some sweet potatoes. I really need to increase my veggie intake. Hopefully changing the foods this week and going to the gym consistently and moderately rather than having marathon workouts will make some difference.

The scale at the gym is very different than my home scale. I weighed in at 197 at the gym. I can't really get too excited about that because I know that it's very far from where I am on my home scale. I can't wait until that one says 197.

I went out to a party on Saturday night. I was excited to have drawn a little attention. I've got a long way to go, but I feel like I'm slowly working my way back into what feels like my very own skin. I don't know whose body this is I've been carrying around for 2 years....mine is emerging. Slowly. But. Surely.

WEEK 8

Current Weight: 202.4 pounds

Weight loss so far: 9.6 pounds

Biggest Temptation: thanksgiving leftovers

My treat: Banana split ice cream

My best discovery: Slow and steady wins the race.

I don't have tons of time to write today, but I am so excited to have dropped weight after Thanksgiving. I worked out really hard, but I also took off Friday and this morning to let my body recover from it all.

My new results are below. Yay, me!!!

WEEK 7

Current Weight: 202.8 pounds

Weight loss so far: 9.2 pounds

Biggest Temptation: Thankgiving leftovers

My treat: Cranberry sauce with pecans

My best discovery: I'm gonna do this!!!

I have worked my tail off this week. I've been on vacation this week and I dedicated this time to really pushing myself to make exercise a priority for me. I've made a couple of sacrifices...like, my hair, but it's been worth it.

I've worked out 2-3 hours a day all week. And not wimpy walking or fake sitting on machines at the gym. I've put in hours of kickboxing, step aerobics, weight lifting, and yoga/pilates. I feel GREAT! Do you hear me? FANTASTIC. I keep battling the strange looks I'm getting from folks who probably think I'm overdoing it. But I remember when I watched the first season of Biggest Loser. I thought, if I had nothing to do all day but work out, I could get those results too. Well, this week I had nothing to do all day but work out...and that's exactly what I've done.

In the last for days I lost another WHOLE pound. I'm at 204.00. I'm very, very excited about that. I think I'm going to burst into tears the morning my scale says 199. Let me tell you, once I cross that, I'm never going back. And I am determined as hell not to take 200 lbs. into 2007. So, mark my words. I will lose at least five more pounds by years end.

I've been eating my same 1500 calories. I'm ending up with net calories at like -300 some days. I haven't eaten extra calories because I've been saving them all up for TODAY!!! I plan to eat whatever I want today. Yay!!! I've already done the Turkey Burner Blowout: 1.5 hours of combination kick, step, lifting, and yoga, so I've made some room. I really don't care if I haven't made room. I'm eating today. But, in a way I don't feel like I've been deprived all that much. I've been eating what I want, only less, and I'm fine.

Last night I really, really wanted ice cream. I went to the store and bought ice cream. I still had like 700 calories left to consume after dinner, so I went for it. 3 servings=1 and 1/2 cups of helado. It didn't give me the thrill I expected. That's a good thing, I guess.

You know what thrilled me this week? I made egg noodles (because they cook faster than linguini) with clam sauce. I didn't add any olive oil at all to the clam sauce, so it was really light. I put extra red pepper flakes so that it was especially spicy. I loved it. I'd been depriving myself of carbs for some reason. I don't know why. There's no need. The daily plate says I'm way low on my carbs for the month.

Anyway, Happy Thankgiving and Good Eats to all!!

I'll see on Monday if all my pre-burning paid off.

Peace.

So, I got back from travel for work and I was back up to 211. This broke my heart and I was too upset to deal with this blog. But it motivated me.

I couldn't deal with all of my progress being so dependent upon my food choices each day. I needed to make progress that I had better controls of, so I've started back to working out: kickboxing, step aerobics, weight lifting and toning classes primarily. I'm really motivated and I'm seeing crazy changes in my body already. I go every single day, but I usually end up taking off one day to give my body a rest. This is really hard because I'm working two jobs right now. But, I've gotta do it, so most mornings I go at 5:30 AM. It's early enough so I can come back and get a nap before work too.

I'm setting up this week for the holidays and I refused to let this wreck my progress. My gym refuses too. They're having a context where you get gym bucks for everytime you work out during the holidays. The higher calorie-burning activities are worth more and you get bonus bucks for doubling up in one day and for choosing some of the alternative classes like Centergy which is a combination of yoga and Pilates. You can spend your bucks on gym items (my gym has the cutest workout clothes!) or you can save up until the end for the big prizes. My goal is $5000 gym bucks which buys....oh yeah...4 60-minute massage sessions!!!!

I'm off all week and I've dedicated most of my free hours to sweating the hell out of myself so that Thursday....um, Friday and....um, Saturday, I can eat what a Iwant.

Don't freak....here's the deal. There's a Turkey Burner 90-min Kickboxing, weight lifting and step combo class Thursday morning designed to burn at least 1000 calories before the big feast. And Friday and Saturday I've promised myself no leftovers if I don't go to the gym. So have no fear.

My results so far, you ask:

WEEK 6

Current Weight: 205.0 pounds

Weight loss so far: 7.0 pounds

Biggest Temptation: Not to finish eating before I'm logging my calories

My treat: My chocolates, still.

My best discovery: Working out makes this so much easier. I feel like I have wiggle room in my diet, even though I haven't really used it too much.